The Brask

February 2003

In 2003, Alex abandoned his ambitions of becoming an acoustic minstrel (as heard on Sacramento Gold) and returned to the goof-pop of A Bunch Of Songs. However, the focus is more on the actual songs and less on the non-songs. Every song hits the same spot that songs like “Surgeon” and “Sports Fright” from A Bunch Of Songs soothed and massaged. Songs like the fluffy “Let The Sideburns Burn” and the surf-pop “Freeze Tag” take you waaaay back to 2002, before we all left home for the trenches in the great war.

Track Listing

(click titles for lyrics)

  1. Blimp

    Floating so high
    I can imagine mine
    Steam powered, big, and serpentine
    All aboard!
    There’s a smorgasbord
    With links, franks, weenies, and zucchinis
    You can stay for a night
    We’ll leave on the light
    If you ever feel frightened
    You can always tell the pilot
    And the pilot is me!
    I learned to fly at three
    Ain’t no rock band
    Gonna be named after me

    If Russia cooperates
    And China can tolerate
    I’ll make this blimp ambassador for space
    But if aliens attack
    I’ve got lasers in the back
    I may be sour, but I’ve got all the power
    Shoot them from the sky
    There’s nothing like a killing high
    What was once a smorgasbord
    Is now an overlord
    I don’t like competition
    Can I have some ammunition?
    My blimp likes action
    And frightful reactions
    And everyone approves
    Because they know they’ll lose
    Screw the aliens, shoot anything that moves!

  2. Let The Sideburns Burn

    You let them burn
    You let them burn
    You let them sideburns burn
    You let them burn
    You let them burn
    You let them sideburns burn

    Flaming toupee
    Flaming toupee
    Don’t shun my shaving ways
    You’re just like me
    You’re just like me
    It’s half or everything
    Mathematic trouble
    Half or whole or double
    My mathematic trouble
    No, pop-a-matic bubble!

    Money’s kind of tight right now
    I have to shave this off somehow
    ‘Cause even when I sleep at night
    This one sideburn don’t feel right

    One sideburn
    One sideburn
    When you gonna learn?
    Between the cheekbone and the chin
    You’re never gonna win
    Just like me
    You’re just like me
    Facial hair free
    Keep the faith
    Better keep the faith
    Your stache can still be saved

    You drum beat, it loves you
    It likes you and it think you’re pretty cool
    Pretty rad and kinda bad
    The kinda bad that you wish you kinda had

    You let them burn
    You let them burn
    You let them sideburns burn
    You let them burn
    You let them burn
    You let them sideburns burn
    One sideburn, one sideburn
    One sideburn, one sideburn

  3. Tentacle

    I took a trip to the wharf

    I want an extra arm
    I covet a tentacle
    I want some extra help
    I covet a tentacle

    I want an octopus to slow dance with
    I want an octopus to slow dance with
    I want to slow dance with some octopi
    Then tell them some lies

    I yearn for a tentacle and a barnacle
    I yearn for a tentacle and a barnacle
    Speak in spectacular tentacular vernacular
    Speak in spectacular tentacular vernacular

    I took a trip to the wharf
    I saw an octopus that refilled my pen

    I say it’s just as well, it’s scampi hell
    I say it’s just as well, it’s scampi hell
    I just wanted one for show and tell
    Amongst other thingz.

  4. She Wants To Kiss Me

    Before I hold your hand
    I’m in a band
    There’s just one man in this band
    Didn’t fight in ‘Nam
    But I like to jam
    Until there’s one man in this band
    They make you keep both eyes open
    Thanks to you my kazoo is broken

    Thank you very much!
    She wants to kiss me and play Parcheesi

    Don’t touch my back
    Don’t touch my back
    Don’t touch the small of my back
    But touch my six pack
    I’m just kidding, don’t touch my six pack
    They make you keep both eyes open
    Thanks to you my kazoo is broken

    Thank you very much!
    She wants to kiss me and play Parcheesi

    I’m not blowing you off
    I promise I’m not blowing you off
    Okay yeah, I really am blowing you off
    Hey check it out, Dunkin’ Donuts coffee!

    Thank you very much!
    She wants to kiss me and play Parcheesi

  5. Colorado

    There is a boulder and it’s fueled by Gaia
    Like a rolled up tight tortilla
    And it rolled across the river this morn
    That boulder’s perfectly round
    That boulder’s perfectly round
    And it will keep you safe and sound
    A mobile dirty mound

    Now now now
    Activate the geotechnics
    Down down down
    Activate the geotechnics
    Now now no
    Activate the geotechnics
    Activate the geotechnics

    I’m dirty but I’m flat
    My pompadour’s all that
    And a bag of chips
    With a humus dip
    You make me wanna do front flips
    You make me wanna do front flips
    No trampoline
    No Listerine
    No troubled teen
    No Springsteen

    I don’t want anyone to know
    No way
    I don’t want anyone to know
    Please stay

    No trampoline
    No Listerine
    No troubled teen
    No Springsteen
    No troubled teen
    No Springsteen

  6. Pangaea

    Thanks to gentle continental drift
    There’s nothing left of it today
    And I wanted to play
    On Gondwanaland the next day

    Pangaea can I show you something?
    Pangaea can I show you something?
    Pangaea can I show you something cool?
    Some punk rock albums

    Antarctica, Himalaya
    High peaks and ice caps
    Around me they run laps
    Tectonic motion
    Now there’s more than one ocean

    Pangaea can I show you something?
    Pangaea can I show you something?
    Pangaea can I show you something cool?
    Some new Star Wars Legos

    Thank you gentle continental drift
    Thank you gentle continental drift
    Thank you gentle continental drift
    Between me and you now there’s a rift

    Pangaea can I show you something?
    Pangaea can I show you something?
    Pangaea can I show you something cool?

    Some Star Wars Legos
    Some pirate Legos

  7. (What’s Up Witchoo) Fu Man Chu

    I’m a hardass smartass ass killa
    I’m a blue belt bear pelt symbiotic
    I’m not worthy of your precarious moustache dangling

    What’s up witchoo?
    Fu man chu

    I’m a reject preset of modern living
    I need a change baby change baby change

    I’d be with you
    Girl, if it grew

    And it’s a very long moustache
    But you will find it makes me more powerful
    And it’s a very long moustache
    But you will find it makes me more attractive

  8. I Have To Go Bee

    Would you like to sign up for my bee?
    Would you like to sign up for my bee?
    I’m going to quiz you and ask you things
    I’m going to quiz you and ask you things

    This exam is a sham
    This exam is a sham
    This exam is a sham
    This is the ultimate bee
    In this exam I might ask you ’bout ‘Nam

    Geography or spelling
    Or math or phonics
    Or chemistry or taxonomy
    Or biology or dentistry
    The ultimate bee
    I could ask you anything
    The ultimate bee
    I could ask you anything I like
    Get ready
    Get set
    Stop!
    This isn’t a freaking race
    This is a goddamn spelling me
    And I’m your host, the Bee Keeper

    This exam is a sham
    This exam is a sham
    This exam is a sham
    This is the ultimate bee
    In this exam I might ask you ’bout ‘Nam

  9. Hit In Brazil

    I’m peanuts here but I’m a hit in Brazil
    Whoa yeah
    I’m a hit in Brazil
    I might have a way to break out in the States
    Whoa yeah
    Maybe tour with Tom Waits

    Everyone thinks I’m a joke here
    But really I’m a cult hit
    Anywhere but here I’m a rock star
    Dude, you want my CD-R?

    Trust me, some people in Seattle have my mp3s
    I count my songs off with a one-two-three
    But without the four, what’s it all for?

    I’m packing my bags for an American tour
    Whoa yeah
    South American tour
    You can’t see me now because I went to Japan
    Whoa yeah
    See now I’m a man

    Everyone thinks that I’m all talk
    I’m playing at a barbecue around the block
    Anywhere but here I’m a rock star
    Dude, you want my CD-R?

    Trust me, some people in Berlin have my mp3s
    I count my songs off with a one-two-three
    But without the four, what’s it all for?

    I’ve got a new demo in a slim case
    I’m a master of the D.I.Y rat race
    And I’m checking out the chicks
    In the grrl rock headlining tour act
    Maybe someday I’ll get my break
    Off a cover of Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell”
    I know it by heart, I know it really well
    I’m not songwriter, I’m a singer

  10. Arts And Crafts

    SCENE MISSING

  11. Brassstache

    I meow at your goatee
    I meow at your eye patch
    I meow at your punk dog collar
    I meow at your brassstache

    I meow at your lunch sack
    I meow at your fanny pack
    I meow at your hybrid yak
    I meow at your brassstache

    Your moustache makes me randomly break out into “Rebel Yell”
    More more
    And then I wanna go make out with a catfish
    Moustache aphrodisiac
    Brassstache!

    Your moustache makes me randomly break out into “Tainted Love”
    Oh love
    Your moustache makes me yearn for moustache insurance
    I think it pays off double

    Under your brass stache
    Your brass stache makes me cat-like
    On the New Jersey Turnpike
    I’m feelin’ feline dirty tonight

    Meow.

  12. Please Please Please

    Please please please
    Won’t you heckle me?
    Please please please
    Won’t you tickle me?
    Please please please
    Please please please
    Please please please
    If you share your disease with me
    I’ll share my collection of Chinese teas

    Well the world is out of control
    And you’re out kicking skulls
    I’m often not at home
    But you can help yourself to a scone

    Ya wanna beat Lobotomy James at some board games
    When there’s all sorts of low flying planes
    David Wains and Jackson, Jermaines
    Take up the centaur reigns into the fast lane
    A Cliff Clavin maven
    All the money I been savin’
    Has got me misbehavin’ all over the pavement
    The water I bathe in is every wave from the ocean
    I’m always gonna cave in so they’re sayin’

    Well the world is spinning around
    And this I noticed just now
    I’m often not at home
    I hope you make friends with my deadbolt

    Please please please
    Won’t you heckle me?
    Please please please
    Won’t you tickle me?
    Please please please
    Please please please
    Please please please
    If you share your disease with me
    I’ll share my collection of Chinese teas

    Please please please

  13. Freeze Tag

    I’m standing still all day watching you play
    And I don’t want to crawl between your legs
    This is freeze tag and I’m back watching you play
    I’m not a good runner but I’m a good jumper
    When snack time comes around I’m still standing
    In the same position and no recognition
    You’re all drinking Yoo-Hoo not once but twice
    But I’m standing here frozen in a block of ice

    Tag now you’re standing very still
    Tag now all you can do is chill
    Tag you’re standing in that spot until
    I touch you, but you ought to know I probably won’t

    I’m miles and miles and miles from the base
    And I wish I was closer than this to the base
    If I was closer than this to the base
    I wouldn’t be standing still upon the hill
    The sun’s going down and the chances are high
    That I’ll never move again and I’m living a lie
    I’m another one of many who know the truth
    That playing freeze tag will be the end of you

    Tag now you’re standing very still
    Tag now all you can do is chill
    Tag you’re standing in that spot until
    I touch you, but you ought to know I probably won’t

  14. The Bog And The Bayou

    Gonna get a fancy piece of real estate
    Where the gators and crocs go out on dates
    In the bog and the bayou
    Gonna get a guitar like this one
    Gonna get a wicked harmonium
    In the bog and the bayou
    Wanna trade a Honus Wagner rookie card
    For a wicked piece of real estate?

    In the bog and the bayou
    In the bog and the bayou

    Eat some Juju B’s, get stung by bees
    Get the heebee jeebies, pine for Phoebe
    In the bog and the bayou
    Fish for fish and fish for fish
    And fish for fish and fish for piranhas
    In the bog and the bayou

    Wanna trade a Honus Wagner rookie card
    For a wicked piece of real estate?

    In the bog and the bayou
    In the bog and the bayou

    And I’m gonna have the largest barge on the block
    If you see my name written in the clouds in the sky
    Then you’ll know where I live

    In the bog and the bayou

  15. Do The Splits

    Everybody freakin’ do the splits

    Don’t be uncool, stay in clown school
    (Red nose)

    Who’s gonna treat you right, girl?
    Who’s gonna treat you right?

  16. Prince Williams Secret Moustache

    I know it’s not to blame
    I know everything’s the same as it used to be
    Except for just one thing
    Just one thing
    When his moustache interrupted the class

    Prince William’s secret moustache
    You’re hard pressed to find a more scandalous trough tuft
    Prince William’s secret moustache
    You can’t defy it or spy on his lip fluff

    I know just what’s to blame
    It’s all because of those damn Nintendo games
    He was playing Ninja Gaiden
    And Mortal Kombat as Raiden
    But it’s a fine time to shave
    He can’t find time to shave

    Prince William’s secret moustache
    You’re hard pressed to find a more scandalous trough tuft
    Prince William’s secret moustache
    You can’t defy it or spy on his lip fluff

    We should have known
    Now your killer cover is blown
    I read it in the tabloid
    You’re big fan of Metroid
    But that’s just a clever ruse
    A game you’re going to lose